Women in the Word Wednesday: Jealousy

                                                             
                                             (David and Goliath)

I was recently reading I Samuel 18 and 19 in my quiet time. I was struck by the differing attitudes and actions of Saul and Jonathan toward David. 

After David kills Goliath, he is thrust into palace life in Israel, serving King Saul in his court. As the crowds praise and recognize David and God grants continual success in whatever he does, Saul increasingly grows a blind hatred toward David.

I Samuel 18:6-9 explains the scene in detail:  "As they were coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, the women came out of all the cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tambourines, with songs of joy, and with musical instruments. And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, 'Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.'  And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, 'They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?' And Saul eyed David from that day on."

In jealousy, Saul assumes David's intentions incorrectly and, no matter how David spares Saul's life or honors him over and over, Saul refuses to see David as anything but a threat to the throne.  He is jealous.

Jonathan, Saul's son, and would be successor to the throne, has quite a different reaction to David's success.  It says his heart was knit to David's, and he became his friend.  I Samuel 18:1 says, "As soon as he (David) had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."  He says to his jealous father, "Let not the king sin against his servant David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his deeds have brought good to you. For he took his life in his hand and he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord worked a great salvation for all Israel. You saw it, and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by killing David without cause?”   I Samuel 19:4-5

Jonathan witnessed the continual success and popularity of David.  How humbling that must be to the successor to the throne!  However, Jonathan accepts God's will and extended blessing to David.  He rejoices with his friend because he is ruled by love for David and trust in God's plan--a plan for the "great salvation of all Israel."

Saul, on the other hand, is tormented with insecurity, jealousy and hate.  He is concerned only with his own ego and esteem. He spends much time pursuing David and trying to end David's life.

Wikipedia gives this definition, "Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection."

Dictionary.com adds that jealousy is "jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself."

Both of these definitions speak well to the feelings Saul had toward David in these passages.

So how do we apply the eternal truths of this scripture into our own lives?

We need to be honest with ourselves.  We need to search our hearts and locate any seed of jealousy that has taken root.

This is a small example, but one day I was having a bad day.  The kids were whining, I was moody and I was sinning in my attitude.  I opened up Facebook to read status updates.  It seemed as if EVERY person had gotten breakfast in bed, coffee or flowers from their husbands.  Instead of rejoicing that God was being honored in marriages and friends were receiving love from their spouse, my sinful flesh bristled at the fact that I was not having the same experience that particular day (I have a fabulous, loving spouse, by the way. I was just a big, sinning mess that morning).  I got off Facebook full of jealousy, which led to a whole list of other sins in my words and attitude.  Yuck! 

How about you?  Can you identify moments of sinful jealousy?

If you blog, do you rejoice when another friend's craft is featured or given notice or do you first feel angry or resentful at their success?  Are you jealous or discontent when you read blogs that are bigger or more popular than your own?

Christian friends, do you rejoice when a sister in Christ is given a speaking opportunity at church or put in charge of a ministry responsibility that you have always admired?   

Single women, I was single much longer than I wanted to be before I met my husband.  I remember the struggle of hearing another friend had gotten engaged while I waited for the right guy to come along.  Do you have a similar struggle?

What is your reaction when you see someone eating anything they want and remaining skinny, while you are eating next to nothing every day and struggling to lose weight?  How do you feel when you come across a friend who has more material blessings than you?  How do you feel when a friend gets to stay home full time and you are forced to work to provide for your family? 

We need to be honest.  It is a struggle. 

What is the answer?  We need to have our esteem in Christ and not ourselves.  We die to self when we become Christians.  Christ tells us that whoever loses his life, gains it.  As Christians, we recognize this life is temporal and made for us to do God's will, not our own.  We  are promised that we will receive our reward and recognition in Heaven.  Right now, our importance and everything are placed on Christ and glorifying Him. 

Despite whatever popularity, rank or success we get or have taken away, our faith in God's sovereignty and plan for our lives needs to rule our emotions.  When we understand He is in control of every detail, we can be content enough to rejoice over the blessings of others.  Like Paul, we can say we are content in any situation. (Philippians 4:12)

Finally, we need to allow our love for others to help us have a Philippians 2 attitude and consider others better than ourselves. Jonathan loved David more than himself, as evidenced by standing up for him against his father and by helping him to escape though he might possibly be king someday.

In Saul's life, as always, God's plan prevailed.  Saul was killed and the kingdom was given to David.  Saul spent his last years in vain--trying to protect his throne, hating David and pursuing personal glory. 

Jealousy is pointless.  It eats away at our happiness and contentment.  God already has decided what blessings and advantage will go to each person, so fretting with resentment and bitterness is a waste of time. 

Pray for contentment and repent of jealousy you can identify.  Focus on your blessings and own advantages, always point to the amazing gift and grace of the cross, and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit as you pursue holiness in this area.  Let's be women who follow the example of Jonathan, not Saul.

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Contentment

II Corinthians 4:16-18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Ladies, I know we often struggle with contentment--contentment in hard circumstances, contentment with our kids, contentment with material blessings, contentment with our bodies, contentment with our spouse.  I was sinning in this area a few days back.  I was pouting about the injustice of some circumstance out of my control.  How is it that some of my friends never have to deal with this particular thorn in the flesh?  Hmph.  Well, almost as soon as the grumbly thoughts began, the Holy Spirit quickly thumped me over the head with some spiritual truths He brought to my mind.
First of all, do we really want God to be fair?  He is just, but He isn't fair.  He knows what we need to glorify Him best and to be sanctified.  Who am I to question what circumstances God allows in my life?  Romans 9:20 tells us, "But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, 'Why have you made me like this?'"
If I really want Him to be fair, why am I not complaining about the unfairness in the areas I have been given much more than others?  Why am I not griping to Him about giving me too many material blessings or giving me too much support in family and my godly spouse?  Others aren't as fortunate as me.  Why am I not pouting about the amazing church He has put in my life and the fact I have an inordinate amount of godly resources and people in my life?  What injustice there lies in the fact that I am healthy while others are sick, that I have intelligent kids while other kids have learning disabilities, that my family is filled with believers while others witness continually to lost family members, that my husband has a job and others are searching for jobs for months or years, that we just bought a house while others are losing theirs, that I live in Orange County and other people live in slums, and that I have access to the Bible without repurcussions from my government while others are imprisoned or die for their faith.  Other people don't have as much as I do in these areas.  You see, I don't want fairness.  I want an unfair advantage.  My flesh wants to glorify myself instead of Him.  Yuck.
Job is a good book of the Bible to study contentment.  Job 1:21 tells us that Job professes, "And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." This comes from his mouth after he loses his children, home, livelihood and wealth all in one day. Imagine losing your kids in a car accident, watching your house burn to ashes in a fire and being let go from your job all in one 24 hour period. Would your first reaction be godly--to even bless God in your pain? It should be.
You see, we have a temporal perspective instead of an eternal one. Ladies, we are meant for a different world. This is not our home.  Our temporal circumstances don't define us because, if we are followers of Christ, they don't affect our eternal salvation.  Matthew 6:20 encourages us to "lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal."
We have decaying bodies, a fallen world, sinful husbands and kids, and selfish people all around us.  Yet God has chosen to pluck us out of our enmity with Him, give us hearts of flesh and place us in Christ!  Through Jesus, we have access to God in prayer at any time, we are forgiven of our sin, we have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us and leading us in God's will, and we have an eternity of beauty and joy in Christ's presence in Heaven awaiting us.  These are eternal ramifications that will outlast the imperfect husband, the hyper child, the dwindling bank account, the recurring disease, the overweight pounds, the tedious job or the painful sin of others that we face daily. 
When life is difficult, invest all the more heartily in your eternal bank account.  Remember two important truths when discontentment seeps into your heart.  God is sovereign and allows circumstances for a purpose in those He loves.  This world is temporal and our pains are light compared to the weight of the glory and joy we will experience in Heaven--for all eternity.  With these scriptural truths meditating in our minds, we can more easily be like Paul when he proclaims, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

Don't Worry, Be Holy

Matthew 6: 33-34
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Recently, Pastor Philip De Courcy came to our church and shared a story from Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian who lived in Holland and concentration camps during World War II. Corrie tells a story of when she was a little girl and told her father she was afraid to die. Her father smiled at her and asked her something like this, "Corrie, when you take the train with me, at what point do I hand you your ticket?" "Right before we get on the train, papa" she answered. "God is the same way. He gives us the grace to face trials at the time that we require it--not long before or after. He gives us the grace right when we need it. When He calls you to death, He will then give you the grace to face it." (my summary of the conversation)
Christ speaks to us about a similar topic in Matthew 6: 33-34. He reminds us that we need only to deal with the trials of the day we are facing. The future is not in our control and we are not to worry about it. Are we to be wise, plan and be mindful of God's will for our plans? Yes! However, the topic and emphasis here is worry. We know from many passages in the Bible that anxiety and worry are wrong. Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." This passage leaves no wiggle room for excuses--do not worry about ANYTHING.
As women, we are experts at worry, aren't we? We worry about our kids--where will they go to school? Who will be their teacher? Will they have friends? Are they getting sick? We worry about our husbands--Are they doing well at work? Will they get the house project done without trouble? Are they giving us/the kids enough attention? We worry about ourselves--Do we look as thin as we would like? Did we make a good impression on that person? Will our doctor's appointment go well and will we stay healthy? We worry about where we live. We worry about the economy. We worry about money. We worry about health. We worry, worry, worry. When our emotions run awry and sinful, the Bible should always be our first stop to calm our nerves and shed light on the truths that are deafened by our anxious thoughts.
God makes it clear that He is with us and gives us tools to face today with holiness. Our main tool, in fact, is to seek His kingdom and righteousness. When we are grounded in Him and Biblical truth, we are prepared for trials we face. However, so often we try to take the controls, solve the problem and slip some Bible study or prayer in the little crumbs of time throughout the day. In effect, we are starving ourselves from the Biblical knowledge and godly wisdom we need to receive peace in our turmoil and valleys. Our lack of a proper Biblical foundation leads to worry, and the cyclical problem continues.
We must choose to purposefully repent of worry, stop doing the "what if" games in our mind, and to take the day we are facing and weigh it in the truth and light of God's Word as problems arise. Yes, we will have trouble. Read the end of Matthew 6:34 carefully. Christ says, "Each day has enough trouble of its own." God knows life isn't easy. He is aware of the difficulties we have. He doesn't promise to take trials away and make life easy, breezy and beautiful. We live in the cursed world of Genesis 3. He won't necessarily heal that disease or mend that relationship. However, He will give us the truths to give us peace and faith in those trials. Philippians 4:7 is not quoted as often as 4:6, but it says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Despite our circumstances, we will find peace, joy, hope, and trust. It is beyond understanding, but He will give this to us when we seek Him and rely on Him each day. Even though the trial remains, we only have to deal with today, and His grace is more than enough to succeed.

Ladies, he won't always solve the trial or take the pain away, but He will comfort and encourage us with truth and peace as we face what He allows, as He conforms His Christian daughters into the image of Christ. Let's not worry or be anxious about tomorrow. Let's face today with confidence that, if we seek Him and His righteousness, He will provide all we need to get through today. His grace is enough.